Values That Stick: Joy

Message for Easter 2 on Philippians 4: 4, 10-14; John 20:19-31 at St. Luke's Lutheran Church, Richardson, Texas

When one of our kids was pretty young, they were struggling with a few things—some of it was coming from comparing themselves to siblings, some of it just wanting a place to belong that was all their own. And I was worried… that I was flunking as a mom. So I went to a counselor who spent time with our little ball of anger… and then he spent some time with me.

Much to my relief, he said this was pretty normal– garden-variety family stuff. Growing up is hard. It can be tough even before you get to kindergarten. But I’ll never forget what he said next. I can’t remember his name, but I can still see him looking straight at me when he said, “You know that it’s not your job as a mother to make your child happy… right?”

And I gave him a confused look and said, “Well… nooo… maybe? Is this a trick question?” I mean—what mom doesn’t want to make their kids happy? But he said it again: “It’s not your job as a mom to make your kids happy.” And he could tell… I did not know that. Because I was working pretty hard every single day to make that happen. No wonder I was exhausted. 

And then he said something that helped me see differently: “Your job as a mother is to help your children learn to cope with whatever happens in life—both the good stuff and the hard stuff. They’re not always going to be happy. But they can grow up knowing they are supported…and that they can handle whatever comes.”

That moment didn’t just make me a better parent. It helped me understand the difference between happiness… and joy. Because I was trying to make my child happy in circumstances that were not going to change. What I needed to do instead was to help them learn how to live in those circumstances—how to see what was still good, how to make the best of it, maybe experience joy…even when happiness maybe wasn’t possible. 

Because happiness, I realized, is about circumstances—things going our way, life working out how we want. But joy… joy is something much deeper. Joy can carry us through when nothing is going our way. Maybe you’ve had a moment like that too—when something clicked, and you realized there’s a difference between happiness… and joy.

This is exactly what the Apostle Paul is talking about when he writes, Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Always? Paul isn’t writing that from a beach somewhere. He’s writing this from prison. And then he says something just as surprising, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” I have learned…whatever the circumstance. 

Joy, for Paul, is not automatic. It’s something that grows over time—something rooted, not in what’s happening around him, but rather, what’s happening inside him —Who is holding him, where he centered, rooted, focused-–which is always and only in the risen Lord!

And what about the disciples? They are not happy or joyful at the beginning of our story today. They are hiding behind locked doors. Their world has fallen apart. They’re shaking with fear. And right into that fear…Jesus comes to them. Peace be with you. And he shows them his scars–it really is Jesus, alive again! Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. Joy doesn’t come because their circumstances have suddenly improved. The world is still dangerous. Roman oppression still rules the day. Their future is still uncertain.

But Jesus is here, and that changes everything. Joy comes from the presence of the risen Christ. Even Thomas—who misses that first moment— who doubts, and questions—when he finally sees Jesus, he doesn’t say, “Now everything is easy.” He says, My Lord and my God. Joy is born in a deep and abiding relationship with Jesus. In trust. In knowing we are never alone. 

Like the Apostle Paul, the disciples experience deep joy not because of circumstances happening around them, But rather because of what’s happening inside of them
Who is holding them, where they are centered, rooted, & focused-–which is always in a relationship with the risen Lord!

So what does this mean for us? Because we are still tempted—every day—to chase after happiness–which is fleeting. To fix everything. To smooth everything over.
To make life work just right—for ourselves, for our kids-–no matter how old they are–-and for everyone we love. I still catch myself want to make my kids happy--I don't do it perfectly. But maybe that’s not the goal. Maybe the goal is not happiness…

The Value that lasts is learning joy. This week I invite you to try 3 ways to pay attention to and experience joy. 

Finding Joy in Simple things is a great way to start–it helps us see God’s love show up in even small ways. We do this by:

• Noticing the good that’s already here
• Talking time to laugh–at the unexpected, at puns, silly jokes. Sometimes we look them up on our phone and read them
• Getting outside for a walk and seeing how many colors you can find
• Pausing long enough to say, “Thank you, God, for this right here

We can help each other and any kids in our circles

• Name what’s hard… without rushing to fix it
• Do something positive on hard days, like getting ice cream or calling a relative or friend who lives far away
• Help them know they are loved… no matter what
• Let them know they can handle more than they think

A second way to instill joy is Spontaneity–Jesus showed up for the Apostle Paul and the disciples in a spontaneous, surprising way–so practicing spontaneity can keep our eyes open for what God is up to. One year when we were on a vacation with Dan’s family, all staying in a big house, it came time to clean up on the last day.
There was still ice cream in the freezer, so we let the kids eat ice cream for breakfast. Our kids have had more vacation moments than they can count, but this spontaneous-ice-cream-breakfast memory still brings a lot of joy.

Dan tells the story of the summer after 4th or 5th grade. His dad had just gotten home from work in Manhattan. He looked at Dan, and said, “Do you want to go to a baseball game?” And off they went. His Dad changed his clothes and drove from New Jersey back into the city to Shay Stadium to see the Mets game. Dan can still tell you who the pitcher was, who they played and the final score. He’s been to many baseball games he does not remember, but the spontaneity of this one, is a gift of deep joy.

Spontaneity is a great way to spark learning joy because it helps us notice when love, and therefore God, is showing up (yes! every time love shows up, it's God!)

Third and most of all—we practice joy by pointing our children (and ourselves) back to our Savior--because joy isn’t something we manufacture. It’s something we receive. Joy is knowing, even when life is messy…even when things don’t go our way…even when the doors feel closed and we’re afraid…Jesus still stands among us and says, Peace be with you. So this is easy to remember Simple things, Spontaneity, and in our Savior.

So having received the joy of the Lord today…we are going to celebrate joy together! Not in some big, complicated way, but in small, simple, real ways. Cards for Carol & Tom and the joy their love and marriage brings to all of us! How cool they met at St. Luke's and now they're getting married here! We have Cupcakes! Conversations! Munchkins! Sidewalk chalk! Games! More Bubbles–all in the Gathering Area and out that front door outside.

These all offer moments that remind us: Joy doesn’t have to be perfect. Joy doesn’t have to be earned. Joy shows up… in the middle of ordinary life. And when we notice it—and let it grow in us. When we share it—when we laugh, play, & celebrate together—we become the kind of community that helps one another experience and hold onto joy…even when life gets hard. Because we do not do this alone. We rejoice… together. We practice joy… together. We follow Jesus… together. 

The good news is that Joy is not something we have to make or chase. Joy has already come to us. Risen. Alive. Standing among us. Saying, even now: Peace and joy be with you.