Letting Go and Creating Space for the New!

Leeting Go and Making Space for the NewNew Year’s NOT Resolutions: What I am Letting Go, so I can Create Space for Something New!

I wrote this for St. Luke's January, 2020 newsletter about lessons I have learned largely from 12-step teachings, and which I continually need to apply anew each year!

As we continue to assess and re-assess our New Year's goals, perhaps we might look at them from a different angle. Rather than a list of new behaviors, what if we stopped negative behaviors, so our new choices had space to take root and grow? Here are some behaviors I am working on stopping, along with positive ones to replace them!

1. I Am Letting Go of Resentments: A wise friend once said to me that, “expectations are pre-meditated resentments.” Our hopes and expectations of other people—how they are to think, act and behave—are often only lodged in the space between our ears. We often forget to communicate what we need, want or expect and then become angry when our family member, co-worker, or friend fails to meet our often-unspoken expectations. If you find yourself feeling resentful or angry, ask yourself first, “What were my expectations? Did I communicate them? Are they realistic and respectful of others’ boundaries, well-being, and self-determination?” Instead of building resentments, strive for the positive behavior of being honest with yourself first about what you want and need, and then communicate these openly with those with whom you are in important relationships.

2. I Am Letting Go of Trying to Control Others: This is difficult when we are invested in the choices and successes of people we love. What do we do when we fear others’ choices are hurting themselves or others? We can certainly share our concern for their well-being with love. But if they are an adult then it’s time to “Let go and Let God.” They have a God, and it is not us. When we repeat the same advice over and over, we seek to exert control over someone else. Instead, strive for the positive behavior of allowing others the integrity of their own choices, even when you disagree. Everyone must live with the consequences of their own choices, both positive and negative. People remain the same until the pain of remaining the same is the greater than the pain of change. It’s not our job to decide when someone is ready to change; we can still love them and detach from their choices, and stop taking responsibility for their consequences.

3. I Am Letting Go of Denial: Denial of reality can be a safety mechanism to protect us from information for which we are not psychologically ready. But we also engage in daily denial—“I can eat as many cookies as I want and stay healthy; I can spend money freely and not budget; I can still do everything at age 85 that I could do at age 55,” and so on. Much of our daily stress comes from behavior that denies the reality right in front of us, compounding those issues in a vicious cycle. A positive behavior to strive for is acceptance. The first time I heard the phrase, Acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today, I did not accept it! There are many things I do not want to accept: my own limitations, a friend’s illness, human brokenness—the list goes on. But “acceptance” does not mean agreement with, nor affirmation of the issue. It simply means that I accept reality as true. Extra cookies cause me to gain weight. I cannot do what I could 30 years ago. I need to spend within a budget if I do not want to go into debt. When we accept the existence or fact of what is real, then we become empowered to choose how to respond and what action to take. These wise, informed choices based in reality, move us toward health and lower stress.

I hope you will join me in trying to let go of these three unhealthy behaviors—resentments, control, and denial—so that there is space for more honesty, clear communication, integrity, detachment, acceptance and healthy choices in 2020!

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Our Prayers Implicate Our Action

Our Prayers Implicate Our ActionInterfaith Candlelight Service of Peace and Fellowship - A response to the recent anti-Semitic and other faith-related violence in our country

Sunday, January 5, 2020—5 pm

Congregation Beth Torah
720 W Lookout Dr, Richardson, Texas 75080

I helped to plan this service of the Richardson Interfaith Alliance, but could not attend since I am still recovering from hip surgery. I am grateful to St. Luke's member, past President and active RIA member, Shirley Sigler who read this statement on my behalf!

Thank you all so much for coming. I was so disturbed, as we all were, at the violent, anti-Semitic attacks in New York during Hanukkah. I messaged my dear friend, Rabbi Elana expressing my grief and anger at these actions, along with my friendship and support. At the same time, I felt like my words were inadequate, having done this several times since we had met.

While the prayers and positive thoughts of others are comforting at times of distress, crisis, and violence, and they are an important part of my Christian tradition, we are called to more. The motto of the Lutheran denomination is “God’s work, Our hands.” Our prayers are not an end in themselves, but they implicate us in taking action, so that we participate with God in helping make those prayers a reality. “God’s work. Our hands.”

Today is a first step in taking peaceful action in 2020—to put our bodies where our thoughts and prayers are. When one suffers, we all suffer, and the gift of the Richardson Interfaith Alliance is to keep us ever mindful that we are one humanity. I envision Richardson as not just a place of tolerance—but a city where we learn from each other, celebrate our gifts, and build a stronger community through sharing our religious traditions, and cultural practices.

I encourage each of us to take a second step tonight in being a peacemaker and commit to building at least one new relationship in 2020 with someone of a different faith or culture. Become a bridge-builder and bring others with you—doing holy work with our hands, putting our bodies where our prayers lead us, and ensuring that no one suffers alone. Thank you!

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The God Who Waits

The God Who WaitsChristmas Eve Reflection, December 24, 2019

I love going to the website of the Hubble Space Telescope to look at the magnificence of the universe beyond what our eyes can see. The immensity of the whole of creation is truly mind-blowing as I gaze at pictures of spiral galaxies, clouds on Uranus, Bubble, Eagle and Monkey Head Nebulas, quasars, black holes, and the electric lightshows of supernovas. The God of the universe has immense power to create and recreate.

When God chose to build a closer, more intimate connection with humanity, God could have come to earth with spectacular might, riding on the tail of comet with celestial fireworks, exploding stars and a bombastic, all-encompassing dominance that would have brought the bravest among us to our knees. We could have been wowed, awed and overpowered into submission.

But that is not the way our God chooses to arrive; God comes

• not in radical power, but instead, in relationship;
• not in hubris, but, in humility,
• not in might, but in meekness,
• not in authority, but in partnership.

Poet Denise Levertov writing of the Angel Gabriel’s visit to Mary, describes this surprising encounter:

Arrived on solemn grandeur of great wings,
the angelic ambassador, standing or hovering,
whom she acknowledges, a guest.

But we are told of meek obedience. No one mentions
courage.

The engendering Spirit
did not enter her without consent.
God waited.

She was free
to accept or to refuse, choice
integral to humanness.

This is an image of the greatest contrast we can imagine. The God whose unimaginable power spans galaxies yet unseen by our advanced science, asking an unwed teenage girl—a piece of property in her culture—for consent, for participation, for a relationship with the living God of the universe.

God not only wants a relationship with her, but also asks for her to bring to birth God’s love for the world—embodied in a human person. Everything we need to know about the character of God is revealed in this small sliver of the nativity story.

God could come into your life with power and might, but instead, God hovers, like an angel waiting in the wings of your life, lingering patiently, hopefully, lovingly, asking for consent, seeking your participation, desiring a relationship you. Through you, God brings forth God’s love, embodied in you, a Christ-like person in the world. The profound joy of celebrating Christmas every year, is to say “yes” to God to again and again.

Perhaps this year, our “yes” is to give our consent to God in an area of our heart that has been previously closed off, an area of our life where we have said, “there is no place in the inn,” for God certainly cannot love, forgive or help this mess.

There is nothing ideal about being born in a forlorn stable and using a manger for a crib. But Jesus was born among the beasts so that we might know God can redeem that which is most beastly in ourselves, and that there is nothing to hide from God. Surely the dung of our lives can be turned into something new by the God who can make the Milky Way out of stardust and hydrogen gas!

Our God invites you and waits lovingly for you to say, “yes,” to give your consent with your whole being—with your whole heart and soul and mind and strength.

With Mary, tonight, we join God’s work of redemption, saying, "yes" to embodying Christ-like love and hope for the world!

Image: Annunciation by Henry Ossawa Tanner, 1898

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Preparing A Straight Path

Preparing A Straight Path For A Full HeartMessage for Advent 2 on Matthew 3:1-12 given on December 8, 2019 at St. Luke's Lutheran Church in Richardson, Texas.

Sorry for the late posting--this message works for preparing for the new year as well! I am recovering from arthroscopic hip surgery the day after Christmasit (it was a success). I am on cruthces for 2 weeks and it made Advent busier than usual!

“Repent, prepare, make the paths straight, you brood of vipers…every tree therefore that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire…His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor and will gather his wheat into the granary; the chaff he will burn with unquenchable fire!”

John the Baptist’s foreboding warning about Jesus’s coming judgement is not exactly the Jingle-Bells-Joy-to-the-World-Jolly-Old-St.-Nicholas-story we are looking for at this time of year.

John makes clear that the way we prepare for Christmas in our culture and the way we prepare for Jesus’ arrival in our spiritual life are two very different things. Don’t misunderstand me—there is nothing wrong with buying gifts, baking, decorating, and gathering with loved ones—our family is making all of those preparations as well—but these are not the activities that today’s Scripture calls us to as we prepare for Jesus’s coming. While our cultural preparations enable us to attend to the external needs of the season—what we will eat and do, share and see,—John the Baptist calls us to attend to our internal needs—something that is much more profound and jolts us into considering the deepest parts of ourselves, our minds and our hearts.

John actually does not even ask us to engage in his tasks of preparation—it’s not a suggestion, like, “let’s bake cookies today.” Rather, he commands us— "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near." "Prepare the way of the Lord, make his paths straight." We do not have an option—there is no wiggle room here in the use of the imperative verb form.

The kingdom of heaven is here in Jesus and God wants us close to him, and showing up with our whole self—body, heart, mind and soul—no exceptions, nothing held back. Making a straight path for the arrival of our Savior and his kingdom means removing all obstacles that impede the full flourishing of God’s will, purpose and presence right here, right now. That a lot harder than wrapping presents, baking goodies, and planning feasts.

Making a straight path for the Savior begins not by identifying all of the sin out there in the world—although there is plenty of that for us to identify. Making a straight path for Jesus to arrive begins inside of us—for we cannot manifest in the kingdom outside of ourselves, what we have not experienced inside ourselves first.

John sees two kinds of people responding to his call to repent, prepare, and make a straight path. Droves of people from Jerusalem and Judea come to heed his call. They confess their brokenness, their need for healing, their desire to be released from hopelessness, depression, greed, self-reliance, control, self-pity or whatever is crooked within their hearts. They tell the truth and let this prophet wash them clean in baptism, so they are ready, open, healed and freed for to Jesus to arrive fully and wholly into their lives. Jesus describes these people who are ready in the Sermon on the Mount—the poor in spirit, the meek, the mourning, the merciful, the pure in heart, the suffering, the peacemakers, the persecuted.

But there is another group who also come—the Sadducees and Pharisees—but they do not come with confession on their lips, repentance in their hearts, and honesty about their brokenness and need for forgiveness. John chastises them for the stumbling blocks that make their paths crooked instead of straight—excuses, agendas and rationalizations about their own justification—they cling to education and status as their ticket to righteousness, they rely on pedigree, snobbery, inheritance, anger, defensiveness, self-righteousness, or resentment at those who are not like them. Perhaps they came to crow rather than confess, to pose rather than prostrate themselves before the coming kingdom.

We can see two lines of people coming to the Jordan, responding to John the Baptist’s imperatives to prepare and become ready—a dualism of sorts—good people with open hearts, confessing; the other, bad people with hardened hearts, self-righteous, and justifying. It seems like we are supposed to decide which line we are in—but I suspect the real truth is that all of us are in both lines. I know I am.

There is part of ourselves that is “all-in”—the part that came to church today, the healthy, honest part of our psyche that knows we cannot make it on our own, that we need healing and grace for those parts our lives that we just cannot make right, that we cannot fix, and for which we do not have an answer. We come streaming to the river and we ask God to love as we are, but to please not leave us here. We can name our mistakes and our brokenness, and we are ready for Jesus to give us peace, healing and hope, and we trust—we trust that somehow, Jesus will give us what we need.

And yet, there is still a part of us, that is in line with Sadducees and Pharisees, not because we are bad, but because we are afraid. If we let go of control, what will happen? There are parts of ourselves where we have not let God in—there are roadblocks and boulders making a crooked path where we are not ready to release our dominance or agenda.

It could be that place where we are justifying our attitude, behavior or anger:

• the relationship where we are hanging on to resentment and blame;
• that self-righteous attitude that necessarily diminishes another;
• the secret superiority we feel as we judge those who live or believe differently;
• the defenses we put up to avoid emotional intimacy with our spouse or other family;
• the reliance on status or income for our sense of self;
• those past experiences we believe are too bad for God to heal or forgive--

Whatever it is, there are places in our hearts where we refuse Jesus’ entry and stand guard against grace.

The problem with the crooked parts of ourselves is that they cannot bear the fruit of the kingdom the way we can when we give ourselves completely over to God. It’s not that whole people will be cut down and thrown into the unquenchable fire, but that the parts of ourselves contrary to God’s will must be cleared out. The kingdom of heaven is at hand! God can cleanse everything! Jesus can redeem, renew and make whole every part of ourselves! Every part of our being can be made new, healed and bear the fruit of love and hope for the kingdom!

Jesus wants entry into every part of ourselves, so the chaff—the anger, resentments, self-righteousness can be burned away. This is why John says, “make a straight path”—it takes work on our part. Part of that work is examining the benefits we gain by remaining angry, resentful, controlling, or self-righteous in any situation or relationship. We only think and behave in ways that benefit us somehow, so we begin to make a straight path by telling the truth to ourselves about what we get out of a particular “character flaw.” 

I want you think of one area of your life where you are hanging on to worry, resentment, self-righteousness or anger and ask yourself, “What am I getting out of this? How does this feeling, attitude or behavior benefit me, feed me, help me feel better about myself even though it’s unhealthy?”

Over the years of doing this work on resentments, anger and perfectionism myself, I have discovered that I like being right; I want to look good and appear accomplished in front of others which drives perfectionism; I often feel responsible for managing other people’s feelings. But none of these motivations make me spiritually and emotionally available for Jesus to bear love, grace, hope and peace for the kingdom through me.

So, John the Baptist calls us to “make a straight path”—tell the truth and repent—so that Jesus can arrive in our whole heart, our whole person. With the fire of his Spirit, Jesus burns the chaff of anger or resentment or control away, and fully uses our whole life, our whole being, our whole experience—as a vehicle for God’s purposes.

In Jesus Christ, God makes God’s whole self available to us, so that we might make our whole selves available to God—this is the kind of Advent preparation John the Baptist beckons of our hearts and souls. When we make our own hearts and souls a straight path for Jesus’ birth and his in-breaking kingdom, then we will have those moments of transcendent peace and fullness that comes with our other Jingle-Bell-Joy-to-the-World-Jolly-Old-St.-Nicholas preparations.

This fullness of life in Christ is marvelously described in a poem Dan’s dad read in his sermon at our wedding. It was written by St. Symeon, the New Theologian who lived in the 10th and 11th centuries in Turkey:

We awaken in Christ's body
as Christ awakens our bodies,
and my poor hand is Christ, He enters
my foot, and is infinitely me.

I move my hand, and wonderfully
my hand becomes Christ, becomes all of Him
(for God is indivisibly
whole, seamless in His Godhead).

I move my foot, and at once
He appears like a flash of lightning.
Do my words seem blasphemous? -- Then
open your heart to Him

and let yourself receive the one
who is opening to you so deeply.
For if we genuinely love Him,
we wake up inside Christ's body

where all our body, all over,
every most hidden part of it,
is realized in joy as Him,
and He makes us, utterly, real,

and everything that is hurt, everything
that seemed to us dark, harsh, shameful,
maimed, ugly, irreparably
damaged, is in Him transformed

and recognized as whole, as lovely,
and radiant in His light
he awakens as the Beloved
in every last part of our body.

In this Advent, John invites us to repent, to prepare, to make the path in our hearts straight, so that we can release the truth and allow Jesus to be born and become radiantly, fully alive in us.

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The church does not have a mission in the world, God's mission has a church in the world.

 

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